The Life and Times of That Guy At The Theatre

josedesiato @ 2005-02-09T12:56:00

2005-02-09T17:52:54Z

"Take yourself and Ash out for a hamburger sandwich" - Amber's grandma

josedesiato @ 2003-09-11T22:25:00

2003-09-12T02:26:34Z

InherentCohesion: WALKER! why do i always want to say "diff diff" instead of "different" ??? is there something wrong with me?!? :(:(:(
SkyWalkr04: WTFH?!?!
SkyWalkr04: dood, seriously, LSD is bad for you

josedesiato @ 2003-07-09T02:36:00

2003-07-09T06:36:59Z

comradenudis: wazap?
InherentCohesion: chillin like matt dillon
comradenudis: man i just got a fillin and its killin
InherentCohesion: any drillin?
comradenudis: doctor gonna send me his billin
InherentCohesion: to the floor, teeth spillin
InherentCohesion: dentists a big villain
comradenudis: aint nothing man i got a millin

InherentCohesion: gold teeth with diamond studs?
comradenudis: man we got that shit when im hanging with my buds
comradenudis: i was gonna shoot but the bullets are duds
comradenudis: fell in a puddle of mud
InherentCohesion: that was ya own blood, not mud
InherentCohesion: clean it up with some suds
comradenudis: cuz i got shot in the gut
InherentCohesion: betta than the butt
comradenudis: or getting hit by a truck
InherentCohesion: or bitten by a duck
InherentCohesion: that would suck
InherentCohesion: youd be outta luck
comradenudis: also getting ya ass all fuck
InherentCohesion: for a buck
InherentCohesion: ...by a duck...
comradenudis: lol

josedesiato @ 2003-07-07T21:38:00

2003-07-08T01:38:07Z

"Joe, you look like a movie star" - Jessica

Recently, I've just been putting up a few representative samples of a strange thing thats been happening lately.

josedesiato @ 2003-07-05T23:59:00

2003-07-06T04:00:08Z

"I think Joe's having an affair with every girl here [at Beechwood]" - Casey

"When Joe came in it was like a cool explosion" - Guy whose name I don't know

josedesiato @ 2003-06-29T17:23:00

2003-06-29T21:22:39Z

"It upsets me that Joe's sixteen and he's cooler than me" - Derek

yay... just got a new 120GB 7200rpm 8mb cache maxtor hard drive... It's a great deal at Best Buy right now - $160 with $80 of mail in rebates, making it $80. And I had $50 in gift cards which was a plus. I was going to write a post but i think ill install it and reinstall windows first.

josedesiato @ 2003-04-30T19:10:00

2003-04-30T23:11:34Z

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Extreme
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

josedesiato @ 2003-04-13T18:27:00

2003-04-13T22:27:54Z

Easily misinterpreted quote of the day:
"Was I asleep when you left?" - Jake

i need a BAMBULANCE

2003-03-27T04:32:13Z

If you don't attempt to decipher the lyrics, "God Said No" by Dan Bern is merely a Dylanesque song with a somber aural atmosphere. If you can somehow understand the slurred and garbled verbiage, you'll be very surprised in your amusement. Bern regretfully recalls a conversation with god in which he requested to go back in time to do such fun filled activities as assassinating Hitler, saving Jesus, and in a succession that is in no way a non sequitur, keeping Kurt Kobain from killing himself (nevermind the murder conspiracy theories for the moment) while god replies with "mmmmm... no." Indeed, what a peculiar song. Lyrics here: http://www.letssingit.com/?http://www.letssingit.com/dan-bern-god-said-no-j2cpqhv.html

Even better: Notice how I've been going around yelling "I'm in the motherfuckin-FONE-BOOF" ? Yes, well now is your chance to find out what the hell I'm talking about. It's rather, nay, QUITE amusing and it's at http://www.schedler.org/audio/bambulance.wav

On the research front: More effective ways to stimulate dopamine, endorphin, and seratonin production than binaural brainwave synthesis and other methods? Possibly. Looking into modified applications of Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation and Interferential Current Therapy for previously stated ends. Being fucked up never looked so cyberpunk as when you have electrodes strapped to your cranium. A plus of the Binaural method is portability, but with a small IC implementation, that's possible as well.

I don't think I've explained the confusion abounding for me right now. I don't know what's going on anymore. There are two situations that I'm grappling with, one better than the other. The situation that I think I almost have under control is the difference in Covenant and Kovenant. Let me explain. Covenant is a Swedish industrial band (wasn't sure of this, but I just saw them in Comatose Rose ["Canada's Only Gothic / Industrial Print Magazine"] which confirms my suspicions) that does such great songs (in order of greatness) as "Dead Stars," "Stalker," "Like Tears In Rain," and "One World, One Sky." I would equate their music to possibly a cross between Apoptygma Berzerk and Das Ich. Kovenant, on the other hand, which was at one point also called Covenant, is a Norwegian gothic death metal band with tracks, once again in order of quality, "Via Negativa," which sounds like an amalgamation of KMFDM synth / guitar and Das Ich beat, "Hollow Earth," "Bringer of the Sixth Sun," which is reminiscent of a neo- sort of Cradle of Filth, "Neon," "Cybertrash," and "Perfect End." Now that I think of it, the music of theirs that I've heard tends to fall into one of those two previously mentioned categories. Two bands with the same name is confusing but adding to the confusion is the fact that a Dutch gothic band called Covenant precedes both of these. It doesn't help that they're all Scandinavian and of similar genres, either.
The other confusing situation is about Michael Moore. I didn't watch the Awards ceremony, and I thusly didn't see his now infamous speech. I'd really rather not go into this, but due to what I was told in response to my questions, I was led to believe that this was a different Michael Moore. But as I found through an independent research study, it wasn't. Anyway, I'm going to go see "Bowling for Columbine" tomorrow night. It should be good, he's a funny and entertaining guy.

I just got Gibson's Neuromancer and Stephenson's Snow Crash, so those should be good. I decided to pick these up when I saw a quote from Snow Crash today in a Slashdot thread. I don't have the discussion quote, which gave context, but here's the original text: "...[When looking for an avatar for the Metaverse,] they invariably run down to the computer-games section of the local Wal-Mart and buy a copy of Brandy. The user can select three breast sizes: improbable, impossible, and ludicrous." And I'll end on that note. Goodnight bowl full of mush (in the motherfuckingFONE-BOOF).

LOLOLOL quote of the century

2003-03-22T04:46:06Z

"You're becoming my favorite employee" - Oltion

in-ter-na-tional un-der-ground

2003-03-20T05:54:17Z

Gin & Juice.
After hearing about it from all the rappers I decided to mix some up.
It's not right because I didn't have any grapefruit juice.
So it's just gin and orange juice.
And the gin tastes funky because its been around about as long as I have.
Oh well. I always seem to click and type significantly faster with a bit of alcohol in me.
What's really funny is that my parents ask what I'm doing in the kitchen (when they're in other rooms) and I will reply with answers like, tonight, "GIN AND JUICE!" but they just don't believe me. :) Silly people.
w00
I went up to the Buford Highway Farmer's Market and snagged some l33t quantities of various ramens including one called "BOSS NOODLE." Last time I was up there I saw something amusing and this time I remembered to bring my camera to take a picture of it. Behold MY DUNG:

Mbwoohaha
I made a cool doodle on one of the thousand sticky notes cluttering my desk and I decided to draw it in pixels. I think it looks cool. Here 'tis:

Thought to ponder, nay, pontificate upon, for I am certain that my more fervent fans possess a firm opinion on this very matter:
Why is it that when I'm chemically influenced, I act more "normal" and yet when I'm myself people think I'm high?

josedesiato @ 2003-03-10T23:28:00

2003-03-11T04:27:46Z

HOLY FISK!
I'm on page two of "On the Shoulders of Giants" and already there have been three egregious errors.
Error one: "The Greek thinker and philosopherAristotle devised..." [No space]
Error two: "Five centuries after Aristotle1s death..." [1 instead of ' ]
Error three: "Like Aristotle, Ptolemy believed the earth was stationary Objects fell to..." [No period]
"Edited by Stephen Hawking" my ass!

josedesiato @ 2003-03-02T21:46:00

2003-03-03T02:46:44Z

Joe: Sorry, it sounded like I was getting sexual pleasure out of that.
Romanda: You were.
Joe: I know.

"When my wife turns 40 I'm going to stop having sex... with her." - BJ

7675 hours is a long time.

2003-03-02T16:11:51Z

"It looks like you've been using Trillian for over 7675 hours now - we hope you've enjoyed the product, but we NEED the support of dedicated users to continue development efforts!" - Popup window in Trillian

josedesiato @ 2003-02-23T12:48:00

2003-02-23T17:48:44Z

~~I got spammed.~~
I got bitten. Twice.
(By a human)

Getting the Edge

2003-02-23T16:58:15Z

I've been listening to Tony Robbins audiobooks over the last day or two. I've learned to acknowledge my Action Signals and activate my physiology. Or something.

josedesiato @ 2003-02-20T01:38:00

2003-02-20T12:40:07Z

"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways
I had to make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream
Just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven

mojo nixon? he dont work here

2003-02-18T22:40:00Z

Jose's Primary General Rule of Evolutionary Preferencing:
Any surviving species likes to fornicate more than it likes to kill members of its own species. (This is offset if species are especially adept at fornicating or killing.)
Humans, I find, are incredibly talented at both.

Amplificateur

2003-02-06T04:47:57Z

It's A Bit Of A Massive Erection.
If You Like A Massive Erection On Your Biscuit, Join Our Club.

And from the Prior-Art-O-Matic:
http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi
It's a freezer that glows with an eerie green light, loves children and automatically avoids obstacles.
It's a sheep that is compatible with children!
It's an energy drink that runs on compressed air, will not work outside of the UK and squirts clouds of black ink.
It's a bathtub! It makes hilariously rude noises!
It's a shopping bag that vibrates and anticipates your every move.
It's a hair gel that can bring down an elephant, receives data from any nearby earring and self-replicates.

History Class Today:

Joe: Hey baby, want an infusion of manpower?
Katie: I'll knock you over.
Joe: Saucy.

"There were 8 free states and 4 slaves" - Dr. Reid

Joe: Knock, knock.
Katie: Come in.

fun with dregs

2003-02-03T22:00:03Z

I've been playing with the I Can't Believe It's Not The Advertising Slogan Generator at http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi?word=Foo where you put in a word (or multiple words) which is then inserted into a random advertising slogan. Guess what I put in? "A Massive Erection." These are some of the ones it generated:

A Massive Erection Really Satisfies.
I'm Only Here For The Massive Erection.
I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for A Massive Erection.
The Massive Erection Effect.
The Loudest Noise Comes From The Massive Erection.
Nothing Acts Faster Than A Massive Erection.
There Ain't No Party Like A Massive Erection Party.
The Good Massive Erection Kids Go For.
Every Kiss Begins With A Massive Erection.
Don't Live a Little, Live A Massive Erection.
Sometimes You Feel Like A Massive Erection, Sometimes You Don't.
A Smooth-Running Massive Erection is a Relaxing Experience.
Making A Massive Erection Taste Better.
Have You Had A Massive Erection Today?
Is It Live, Or Is It A Massive Erection?
My Anti-Drug is A Massive Erection.
Who Would You Have A Massive Erection With?
Moms Like You Choose A Massive Erection.
The Sweet You Can Eat Between Meals Without Ruining Your Massive Erection.
Behold the Power of A Massive Erection.
Big Chocolate Massive Erection
and finally....
How Many Licks Does it Take to Get to the Center of A Massive Erection?

And this is pretty cool. It's got all of the places in Athens that serve food and their health scores.
http://www.publichealthathens.com/clarke_county_restaurant_scores_by_score.htm

minipost of innuendo

2003-01-27T01:55:37Z

When I decided to read a book called The Hottie Zone, I didn't expect it to be about Ebola.

Lacey: I like Joe's stomach, it's hard.
Sarah Beth: That's not the only thing that's hard.

[Talking about putting nametag on crotch area]
Sarah Beth: [points up] It would be big Joe [points down] and bigger Joe.

ROCK - N - ROLL PUMPKIN!!!!!! say it again

2003-01-14T05:49:25Z

I HAVE NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT AND IT IS STARTING TO SCARE ME (clarification: Quotes don't count as things to write about as they are just transcriptions of actual speech).

Sorry about those caps. I hope your retinas remained intact.

As many of you may know, this will be the first time I have posted since well before exams. Not much has happened. As usual, I decided that this and all subsequent years, I would study for at least the most difficult exams and also as usual, I could not bring myself to study at all. Amazingly and ego-boostingly, all of my exams turned out quite pleasantly. Christmas was amusing, in fact, it was at work. I ate a lot and there was a tree made of random crap. The Elements of Argument test was absolutely a "laugh riot" and I'm not disappointed with my score of a 208 Selection Index on the PSAT. Right now I'm lusting over the letter for the Cambridge summer program even though it costs $6000. I guess the price explains why I am "lusting."

-o- Is there no place where groups of people do not randomly break out in singing "Magic Dance"?

-o- Yarrrrrr I'm going to plunder some booty.

Corrupting.net is approaching launch. Some things that are going to be added:
o Arctra and its construction
o A store for purchasing chainmail and random stuff
o Articles / Essays
o Tesla Coil and its progress
o Quizzes
o Origami
o A gallery of random pictures

The gallery of random pictures is something that is open to interpretation. I see this, personally, as a gallery for pictures of funny things, interesting graffiti, or weird things people find - anything that interests or amuses the reader. And squirrels. Especially albino squirrels.

The Corrupting.net stickers are being made now and will be ready for launch.

==// QUOT3! \\==

"5, simply as a number, is impacted by the sheer transitivity of society's linguistics from the brutalism of the collective 'commonwealth.' Any progress is simply to mature and refine the efficacy of the materializations of actions spurred by the normally or seemingly latent but ever present violent troglodytic urgings of a rage representing a frustration of not only the incapability to fully comprehend the actuality of the universe, but also the question of one's own lack of inherent purpose. It is thusly only via one's own desperate machinations that language can evolve." - That's me. One day, about 5 months ago, I sat down to an open Notepad and my fingers started twitching and that came out onto the computer screen. Don't ask me what it's about, all I know is that 5 was the seed crystal (as it so often is).

"Trent Reznor in a tophat and cape makes me want to be gay." - Random Guy

Person: Is Just Married good?
Jake: It's so good, you'll jump out of your seat and accept Jesus.

[Robert hugs a very reluctant and annoyed Casey]
Charlie: I think that was an "F off" hug.
Robert: Just wait for the "F off" sex.

Sarah Beth: Joe thinks he's hot shit with his six pack.
Becky: Joe is hot shit.
Sarah Beth: Yeah.

Charlie: Jake's on mopium.

"My bin is pretty" - Lacey

Latvinka: Gummi Bears...
Bouncing here and there and everywhere.
High adventure that's beyond compare,
They are the Gummi Bears!!

Customer: These prices are insane!
Joe: But this is some really good coke.
Customer: You sound like a Columbian!

"Smoke-A-Bowl-Joe!" - Russell
definitely not "Smokeable-Joe"

Chitty's mom: Could I have a refill of coke?
Joe: If you take your top off.

Random Crazy: So what movie are you seeing?
Old Guy: Catch Me If You Can.
Random Crazy: Hm.
[Long Silence]
Random Crazy: I really like Widespread Panic.

[Weird Guy starts talking to Jessica downtown]
Weird Guy: I don't know what I'm going to do! *mope*
Jessica: ?
Weird Guy: I slept with my girlfriend's husband!
Jessica: !!!
Weird Guy: And I've really got to go to the bathroom.
Jessica: Well, it's right over there.
Weird Guy: No, that'll just make it worse.

Joe: Try to limit that kind of behavior to your own species!
Katie: Oh come on, I've got to have a little fun.

"Joe, I don't know what you're drinking but you'd better lay off it." - Oltion

Libby: I'm going to the dance but I have nothing to wear!
Joe: That'll be interesting.

Jenny: You've got to help me with my pants!
Joe: !?
Jenny: Don't be sick, they won't be on me!
Joe: !!

"My life is complete - I nailed Ashton!" - Walker

Kimberly: But Sara Beth said I could have these pants!
Joe: Well she said she wanted them back right now!

"This sucks... with a vengeance" - Joe
[Talking about a clock, context not really important though]

"Now a warning - this can get messy, and can get even messier in a room full of Pagans fully engaged in the process." - A quote from a Paganist website that is thoroughly amusing out of context.

inside joke
"Did you get that shirt at Express?" - Michael

Someone: So what is Theatre Baseball?
Someone Else: It involves a broom, a theatre, and a 20 ounce bottle.

"My brother was so scared by The Ring he barfed." - Girl

Hick #1: Where them straws?
Hick #2: There yonder.

Stupid: What sizes do you have?
*Joe points to sizes*
Stupid: I'll take the one next to the large.
- or -
The third from the left.
- or -
That one.
- or -
The middle sized one.

Joe: Would you like anything else?
Stupids #1 + #2: Yes.
Joe: ...

Joe: What if someone comes in with an eyepatch and parrot?
Russell: Just point to the sign. No Pirates.

Yarrrrrrrr

Quickie, I'll post soon, seriously

2003-01-02T06:29:26Z

This is who I am...
#1 Brandon (Pogo's friend)
#2 Alex
#3 David (Jace's bro)
#4 Andrew
#5 Brandon
#6 Tim
#7 Alysha
#8 Hannah
#9 Johnny
#10 Josh
#11 Leron
#12 Pogo
#13 Acton
#14 Jace
#15 Susie
#16 Raychel
#17 Sarah
#18 Codie

Ok, that doesn't really help me because I don't know who most of these people are.

wtf. once again!

2002-11-11T22:48:45Z

Dr. Reid: He died at a bad time.
Joe: Everyone dies at a bad time.
[He didn't hear what I said, yet seconds later he says..]
Dr. Reid: Everyone does, I guess.

Whoo.. Good thing I completed my History packet in Free Period.

Sigur R?s is the best. w00p

Katie's in the middle, hmm

Here it comes, here it comes!!! THE TURKEY'S READY!

THE TREES ARE MOVING!

2002-11-05T04:41:42Z

w00p!
I'm going to school tomorrow smelling like a whore house in my new $1 tie with a new haircut.

Lautsprecher is a good band if you like very very german techno. Check out "Omnibus" and "Richtig Laut".